Over To You – Issue No 14

As much as abstinence is the right route for some people, a lot of teens don’t want to wait to have sex until they’re ready to have a baby. Puberty brings with it a lot of sexual feelings, and many choose to have sex for the first time during their teenage years, would you as a parent of a daughter allow them to use birth control to avoid a teenage pregnancy? Would you put them on it prior to losing their virginity? My Mother gave birth to me 5 months after her 17th birthday and in-turn my sister gave birth to her daughter when she was also 17, we never had the birds and bees conversation and in Europe we didn’t have sex education in school, so what is the route you as a parent take in regards to your teenagers and sex?

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Our Readers…………

Margy Button: All I can say is thank the gods I have boys and don’t have to pain over this. I have already had the birds and the bees talk with them and stressed the need for ‘protection’ should they find themselves doing more than holding hands!

Spring Towry: I put my daughter on it at 17. It was as a precaution and also for her heavy periods. We had a pregnancy scare and that was enough. Teens like to say they are not active but I know that is a lie. BC is not a permission slip it’s a just in case thing. I would rather the pill then have my child’s youth taken away. I have 2 girls to go so I will answer again when they get older.

Beaustomps: Not sure if this is any help or not…but here goes, this is a good question. As a father of a nine year old boy, I can’t give you a reply on the issue of dealing with this matter to a daughter, however, I do not believe in birth control to stop pregnancies. I believe in these children being raised to make decisions that are going to be beneficial to them and their family. I never had the ‘birds and the bees’ chat with my father or mother. My sister waited for the right time to have children and now it is not possible for her. She was told if she had started earlier things would have been different.

When I decided to have my son I was 21 years old, I would have had children earlier but I was also confronted with the question of ‘am I ready?’ I don’t think you are ever ready until you do it! I grew up in a big family, how big? I have seven brothers and four sisters, I didn’t make a mistake and neither did my parents.

If A.H. was around today he would be pinning a few mothers crosses to my mother. My mother was 17 when she gave birth to her first she is now in her late 50’s and it has definitely taken its toll on her.

Of my younger brothers and sisters 3 of them had children in their teens and are all stable and have lovely lifestyles and happy children, so I suppose when it comes to my son hitting his teens (and my future daughters), and me having control or say in his sex life, I’m sure I have raised him to be a man, make his decisions wisely, and to be in control of his life. And the lives of his future children.

Nicole Vigdis: Obviously, I can never be a mom so my advice or tales can only be shared from how I was personally raised by my mother. My parents were very uncomfortable actually talking about sex to us girls so the open conversations never happened. What did happen was the use of thought provoking “shock value” sorts of props and trips. Mom picked up a child birthing video from the library, sat me in front of the TV around age 9 or 10 and said “if a boy wants to have sex, remember this is what comes next…” I was grossed out, horrified and begged to turn it off. Later, when 8th grade rolled around, mom took me to volunteer at a home for teen moms. All were girls tossed aside by their families or abandoned by the fathers of their illegitimate children. That same year, she dropped a photo book of STD’s onto my desk and suggested I take a look. I was abstinent until I graduated high school!

Sara WAU: Refuse to let them date until I’m dead and lock them in their rooms LOL Just kidding, with my girls (16 and 17) we have had several awkward conversations about sex and boys but the main thing I kept reminding them is they could talk to me no matter how weird it seemed and I’m hoping that is the part they remember. For my son, I let his father talk to him about sex and condoms, but I covered the emotional stuff, like how the girl may feel differently than he did…etc. He is a good boy, just drives me nuts because he is charming and knows it, especially now that he is in uniform. Other than that, I don’t think I would ever put either girl on birth control……

Jamie G: Well, Aryana is only 2 but I’m planning on sitting her down when she’s older and telling her that if she has any questions about ANYTHING, she can come talk to me. I won’t condone her being sexually active until she is an adult & can make her own intelligent, informed decisions (rather than acting on a hormonal impulse), but I know that when teenagers want to do something, they are going to find a way to do it. She has beta thalassemia minor, which means that her blood doesn’t transport oxygen the way that it should. She will be fine (aside from possible slight anaemia as she gets older), but if she has a child with someone who also has the trait, their child won’t survive without daily blood transfusions. For that reason alone I plan on putting her on BC when she tells me she is ready. I also plan on stressing the mistakes that both her father and I made and how important it is for her to be safe….but we’re planting holly bushes outside her windows and putting a padlock on the outside of her door, so really the rest is just overkill.

Maria Christina: My parents were pretty open and honest about it; there was nothing we couldn’t say to each other. I was curious about sex at a young age, so my mom figured she had better sit me down and tell it how it is. But, just as much as I was at risk for getting pregnant, so were my brothers able to get someone pregnant, so she told all of us about taking proper precaution. My parents have this theory that if you allow your kids moderate exposure to something (things that won’t harm them, that is), they’ll have more common sense about it as adults. We were pretty open about everything. Even letting us have alcohol with dinner, because they figured by the time we grew up, the thrill was going to be gone and we wouldn’t feel the need to get sloshed on 21st birthdays and kill ourselves in a DWI accident. If we could be open about sex, they figured we’d be less promiscuous and have healthy sex lives as adults. It is true the more you forbid something, the more kids will likely rebel.

Sheild Maiden: My daughter will be 19 in October, she started dating at the age of 17, I have an open and trusting relationship with her, in saying that I am also realistic to the fact that things happen that teens don’t want to discuss with their parents. I offered to put my daughter on some form of contraception at the age of 16 her and I then took a trip to the doctors and discussed her options, once we got home she assured me there was no need for it and she would certainly let me know when there was. As I mentioned she is nearly 19, and recently had the same conversation, this time, she approached me I would have put her on contraception if I felt she needed it. It’s not just about the age; it’s about protecting your child by any means possible.

 

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